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Hail and welcome to Scandinavian Aggression! This site is mainly about the modern Vikings' clashes with 21st century societal norms and my feeble attempts to chronicle them, but also contains other drivel such as: •Accounts of modern Viking anger management issues •Transcriptions of Viking job interview rage •Viking self help reference materials •A Viking booze directory •Viking history lessons for Bostonians |
See that? Thor’s holding his mighty hammer up above his bushy red head, getting ready to bring it crashing downwards into the Midgård Serpent’s godforsaken skull, all because that’s simply what Thor does when he goes fishing with giants. But alas, he isn’t perfect, and he lets this catch get away. Serpents are slippery bastards and giants can never be trusted. …Hail Onwards »
The Long Ships by Frans G. Bengtsson is amazing and I get all excited each and every time I pick it up. In fact, it’s the only novel I specifically included on the Viking Self Help Guide’s list of Reading Material. It’s a solid adventure story worthy of being read even by people who don’t get all knocked off kilter when it comes to Vikings. Michael Chabon thinks so, too, and he’s a lot better than me—not just in general, but also/especially when it comes to being taken seriously. He even wrote the introduction for the new version that was just released here in North America by New York Review Books.
Yes, that’s right! After many years of neglect, this book can finally be found in Vinlandic bookstores! It used to be that you could pretty much only get an English language version in Britain or in places that carried British imports (and it was a version that suffered tragically from some very unflattering cover artwork). This new version rectifies what was once a dire situation indeed.
Roll up, roll up, roll up for the medieval magical mystery tour! The medieval magical mystery tour’s Vikings are dying to take you and everything that you hold dear away…
So I just had a chance to see this quirky, little animated movie with a neat visual style called The Secret of Kells. The plot is about the writing of the Book of Kells and is set against a medieval backdrop of Irish monasticism and mythology, dark and magical Irish forests, and, best of all, the omnipresent threat of bloodthirsty Vikings.
Yes, that’s right, this medieval magical mystery tour has got everything you need, so satisfaction is…mostly guaranteed. Turns out that the Vikings here are portrayed as horned demons with gray beards. Oh, the indignity of such misrepresentative animation! Why couldn’t these Vikings have had blond or even red beards like they’re supposed to?
The Final Installment
After much procrastination and deliberation, here at long last is the highly unanticipated final installment of the Modern Viking Job Interviews. I’m an honest guy so I can admit that this is pretty much a total non-event. In fact, it’s that same honesty that’s helped make me such a perpetual failure in the working world, since an overwhelming number of employers apparently don’t value honesty. Instead, they prefer dishonesty disguised as enthusiasm …Hail Onwards »
Hail and skål! A substantial update to the Viking Brews and Booze directory has been made, and just in time for Friday night and Midsommar, no less. Besides the two new sub-directories of Fruity Booze (wines and ciders) and the Viking Booze Burial Mound (which celebrates the Einherjar of Viking beverages), the other sub-categories have been updated in recent weeks to include: Herslev Bryghus, Odin’s Brewing Company, Olvishult Brugghus’ Freyja Wheat Ale, Midnight Sun’s Viking Dark Strong Ale, Heidrun’s Meadery, Clontarf Whiskey, and more.
In other update news, Modern Viking Job Interview #5 ought to be going up in the next week or so. Yeah, I know. Pretty damn thrilling.
Happy midsummer!
If I’ve gotten my chronology correct, it was The Orlando Sentinel that made such a splash last week with its report that employers are intentionally filtering unemployed applicants out of their potential hiring pools (the story having since been picked up by The Huffington Post and others). Sure, this sucks, but where’s the big surprise? Is this really that new? That’s what I don’t understand. Why are so many people (at least among those receiving mention online) so surprised? If that soulless entity known as Human Resources ever ceased to be shortsighted, it would also cease to be recognizable as Human Resources. Shortsightedness is one of the defining characteristics of Human Resources. (The others, so far as I can tell, are power-mongering, cronyism, discourteousness, and general imbecility) …Hail Onwards »
A Short History of the Norse Founding of Russia for Bostonians
And just in time for the annual June 6th celebrations, too!
Back in the 1800s when he was still alive, Hans Gude had a fetish for painting the Norwegian landscape. And one time he even gratified himself with Vikings, as shown above.
The painting’s now hanging out at the Nasjonalmuseet in Oslo.
A Short History of the Epic Norse Slaughter at Clontarf for Bostonians: an educational lesson at McSweeney’s Internet Tendency.
Starting with this one, these lessons in Norse history are becoming a regular feature over there. Now, don’t get too excited all at once.
Mead, the violent flinging of bones, and a hostile leprechaun:
I’ve been thinking this for a while now and finally got irate enough to sit myself down and vent, because Hollywood really sucks hard. Hard like the sharply inhaling gusts of Njord hard. Not that this is really anything new, but it seems to me that the powers-that-be in Hollywood have hit an all-time low when it comes to originality. Particular case in point, all the remakes being planned of recent, well-done Swedish movies …Hail Onwards »
Here’s a badass painting of Norsemen conducting some intensive slaughter in Ireland by artist Tom Lovell:
Good Tom apparently dealt mostly with cowboys, but when he decided to take on the Vikings, he did so with all the glory of a stark raving mad berserker, only he was armed with a paintbrush instead of a massive medieval battleaxe. The smoky, warmongering palate of this painting pairs well with mead and the music of Amon Amarth.
Behold the Dalen Hotel:
Wow, right? Or maybe just eh, depending on your mood and how much you like buildings that imitate medieval Scandinavian stave churches like the one at Borgund, which is probably the most famous of them …Hail Onwards »
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