Hur går det?

Wooden Viking Toy Hail and welcome to Scandinavian Aggression! This site is mainly about the modern Vikings' clashes with 21st century societal norms and my feeble attempts to chronicle them, but also contains other drivel such as:

Accounts of modern Viking anger management issues
Transcriptions of Viking job interview rage
Viking self help reference materials
A Viking booze directory
Viking history lessons for Bostonians

There's more useless stuff beyond that listed above, too. Explore using the menu to the right, or go ahead and click your browser's back button now. Whatever. In any event, thanks for bothering to visit. I skål to your health,

—Rowdy Geirsson

Thor Goes Fishing at Mariatorget

July 25th, 2010

See that? Thor’s holding his mighty hammer up above his bushy red head, getting ready to bring it crashing downwards into the Midgård Serpent’s godforsaken skull, all because that’s simply what Thor does when he goes fishing with giants. But alas, he isn’t perfect, and he lets this catch get away. Serpents are slippery bastards and giants can never be trusted. …Hail Onwards »

Bengtsson’s Long Ships Finally Reaches Vinlandic Shores

July 12th, 2010

The Long Ships by Frans G. Bengtsson is amazing and I get all excited each and every time I pick it up. In fact, it’s the only novel I specifically included on the Viking Self Help Guide’s list of Reading Material. It’s a solid adventure story worthy of being read even by people who don’t get all knocked off kilter when it comes to Vikings. Michael Chabon thinks so, too, and he’s a lot better than me—not just in general, but also/especially when it comes to being taken seriously. He even wrote the introduction for the new version that was just released here in North America by New York Review Books.

Yes, that’s right! After many years of neglect, this book can finally be found in Vinlandic bookstores! It used to be that you could pretty much only get an English language version in Britain or in places that carried British imports (and it was a version that suffered tragically from some very unflattering cover artwork). This new version rectifies what was once a dire situation indeed.

Medieval Magical Mystery Tour

July 2nd, 2010

Roll up, roll up, roll up for the medieval magical mystery tour! The medieval magical mystery tour’s Vikings are dying to take you and everything that you hold dear away…

So I just had a chance to see this quirky, little animated movie with a neat visual style called The Secret of Kells. The plot is about the writing of the Book of Kells and is set against a medieval backdrop of Irish monasticism and mythology, dark and magical Irish forests, and, best of all, the omnipresent threat of bloodthirsty Vikings.

Yes, that’s right, this medieval magical mystery tour has got everything you need, so satisfaction is…mostly guaranteed. Turns out that the Vikings here are portrayed as horned demons with gray beards. Oh, the indignity of such misrepresentative animation! Why couldn’t these Vikings have had blond or even red beards like they’re supposed to?

The Modern Viking Job Interviews, #5: Åke Nordensjö

June 24th, 2010

The Final Installment

After much procrastination and deliberation, here at long last is the highly unanticipated final installment of the Modern Viking Job Interviews. I’m an honest guy so I can admit that this is pretty much a total non-event. In fact, it’s that same honesty that’s helped make me such a perpetual failure in the working world, since an overwhelming number of employers apparently don’t value honesty. Instead, they prefer dishonesty disguised as enthusiasm …Hail Onwards »

Viking Booze Burial Mound

June 18th, 2010

Hail and skål! A substantial update to the Viking Brews and Booze directory has been made, and just in time for Friday night and Midsommar, no less. Besides the two new sub-directories of Fruity Booze (wines and ciders) and the Viking Booze Burial Mound (which celebrates the Einherjar of Viking beverages), the other sub-categories have been updated in recent weeks to include: Herslev Bryghus, Odin’s Brewing Company, Olvishult Brugghus’ Freyja Wheat Ale, Midnight Sun’s Viking Dark Strong Ale, Heidrun’s Meadery, Clontarf Whiskey, and more.

In other update news, Modern Viking Job Interview #5 ought to be going up in the next week or so. Yeah, I know. Pretty damn thrilling.

Happy midsummer!

Vikings Have No Respect for Standard Hiring Protocol

June 9th, 2010

If I’ve gotten my chronology correct, it was The Orlando Sentinel that made such a splash last week with its report that employers are intentionally filtering unemployed applicants out of their potential hiring pools (the story having since been picked up by The Huffington Post and others). Sure, this sucks, but where’s the big surprise? Is this really that new? That’s what I don’t understand. Why are so many people (at least among those receiving mention online) so surprised? If that soulless entity known as Human Resources ever ceased to be shortsighted, it would also cease to be recognizable as Human Resources. Shortsightedness is one of the defining characteristics of Human Resources. (The others, so far as I can tell, are power-mongering, cronyism, discourteousness, and general imbecility) …Hail Onwards »

A Short History of the Norse Founding of Russia for Bostonians

June 4th, 2010

A Short History of the Norse Founding of Russia for Bostonians

And just in time for the annual June 6th celebrations, too!

Hammer of the North

May 30th, 2010

Bang your head to the sound of the Hammer of the North with Grand Magus! These Stockholm guys have a traditional type of metal sound, so that should comfort those of you who are batty and don’t much care for the death metal growl (you know who you are!). Their cover art for the album is cool, too. It’s a picture of a wolf devouring the moon. Appropriate!

Also, over the course of the next few weeks the final Viking job interview should be posted. There should also be a substantial update to the booze directory and another lesson of Norse History for Bostonians. That is assuming I don’t start sucking even harder than normal and fail to do these things. Let the unanticipation begin.

Hans Gude and His Viking Ships

May 18th, 2010

Back in the 1800s when he was still alive, Hans Gude had a fetish for painting the Norwegian landscape. And one time he even gratified himself with Vikings, as shown above.

The painting’s now hanging out at the Nasjonalmuseet in Oslo.

A Short History of the Epic Norse Slaughter at Clontarf for Bostonians

May 5th, 2010

A Short History of the Epic Norse Slaughter at Clontarf for Bostonians: an educational lesson at McSweeney’s Internet Tendency.

Starting with this one, these lessons in Norse history are becoming a regular feature over there. Now, don’t get too excited all at once.

Encounter with a Miscreant

May 2nd, 2010

Mead, the violent flinging of bones, and a hostile leprechaun:

Encounter with a Miscreant

Also, hail Bananafish Magazine!

Hollywood Sucks the Balls of Unoriginality

April 25th, 2010

I’ve been thinking this for a while now and finally got irate enough to sit myself down and vent, because Hollywood really sucks hard. Hard like the sharply inhaling gusts of Njord hard. Not that this is really anything new, but it seems to me that the powers-that-be in Hollywood have hit an all-time low when it comes to originality. Particular case in point, all the remakes being planned of recent, well-done Swedish movies …Hail Onwards »

Norse Marauders Wreak Mayhem

April 18th, 2010

Here’s a badass painting of Norsemen conducting some intensive slaughter in Ireland by artist Tom Lovell:

Good Tom apparently dealt mostly with cowboys, but when he decided to take on the Vikings, he did so with all the glory of a stark raving mad berserker, only he was armed with a paintbrush instead of a massive medieval battleaxe. The smoky, warmongering palate of this painting pairs well with mead and the music of Amon Amarth.

Gothic Metal at Millesgården

April 6th, 2010

Behold Katatonia’s The Longest Year music video!

It features eerie images of Carl Milles’ sculptures from Millesgården, located on the island of Lidingö, just outside of Stockholm. If you pay close attention, you’ll even notice a replica of his Poseidon, which resides in Gothenburg. And as we all know (or should know, but probably don’t), Gothenburg is the city made so famous by the Gothenburg Sound.

Hail to Norwegian Neo-Norse Architecture

March 25th, 2010

Behold the Dalen Hotel:

Wow, right? Or maybe just eh, depending on your mood and how much you like buildings that imitate medieval Scandinavian stave churches like the one at Borgund, which is probably the most famous of them …Hail Onwards »


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