Archive for the ‘The Modern Viking Job Interviews’ Category

The Modern Viking Job Interviews, #5: Åke Nordensjö

Thursday, June 24th, 2010

The Final Installment

After much procrastination and deliberation, here at long last is the highly unanticipated final installment of the Modern Viking Job Interviews. I’m an honest guy so I can admit that this is pretty much a total non-event. In fact, it’s that same honesty that’s helped make me such a perpetual failure in the working world, since an overwhelming number of employers apparently don’t value honesty. Instead, they prefer dishonesty disguised as enthusiasm …Hail onwards »

The Modern Viking Job Interviews, #4: Ingrid Törnblom

Thursday, May 14th, 2009

Guys are naturally way more predisposed than girls are to losing a grip on life so badly that the only seemingly logical solution is to skip town in a boat and go a-Viking. Or maybe I’m mistaken and it just seems that way to me because my whole life has always been an unglamorous sausagefest. I’ll probably never know for sure one way or the other, but that is besides the point, because the point is that Ingrid Törnblom is the only female Viking hero unlucky enough to hypothetically be searching for a new job …Hail onwards »

The Modern Viking Job Interviews, #3: Jocke Björler

Sunday, March 29th, 2009

I don’t talk about him much, but Jocke Björler is a pretty cool guy. He’s so laid back that it’s easy to forget that his contributions to the Modern Viking Movement culminated with the first and only absurdly gory death of a troll to occur in the last thousand years …Hail onwards »

The Modern Viking Job Interviews, #2: Björn Svensson

Friday, January 30th, 2009

Here we witness warrior-poet, Björn Svensson, as he is forced to squirm under the godforsaken spotlight of that most unholy of abominations, human resources …Hail onwards »

The Modern Viking Job Interviews, #1: Trond “Troll-Breath” Trondsen

Thursday, January 8th, 2009

Trond “Troll-Breath” Trondsen is the most Viking of the modern Vikings. He has absolutely no patience for bullshit, which is a disastrous attribute when it comes to job interviewing situations.

Human Resources Cock Mongrel: Hi Trond, nice to meet you. Come right on in and take a seat.

Trond “Troll-Breath” Trondsen: Thanks, nice to meet you, too.

HRCM: Have any trouble finding the place?

TTT: No, not really.

HRCM: That’s good, that’s good. So, Trond, why don’t we get right down to business. Why do you want to work here?

[Trond chortles and rolls his eyes.]

HRCM: Is something funny?

TTT: I was just laughing at your joke was all. It was pretty good.

HRCM: I’m afraid it wasn’t a joke, Trond. I’d like you to answer that question.

TTT: You’re serious?

HRCM: Yes, I am. Please tell me why you wish to work here.

TTT: Well, why the fuck do you think? Because I need a mother-fucking paycheck. Nobody just applies for a job because they think it will be fun. Get real. And here I thought you were just being funny.

HRCM: Uh…I beg your pardon?

TTT: You heard right. This is all bullshit. I’ll prove I can do the job if you want to talk about that, but don’t waste my time dicking around with pointless bullshit questions. They’re not constructive for you and they’re sure as hell not constructive for me.

HRCM: Well, I’m not sure what to tell you, Trond.

TTT: You don’t have to tell me anything. We both know you’re just asking them because it’s what’s expected of you. They’re not relevant at all. You probably haven’t had an independent thought in years. You’re wasting my time.

HRCM: Actually, I’ve only asked one question so far, but seeing how you feel, I must say I’m going to have a very difficult time recommending you as a good fit for our organization. I suggest—

TTT [standing up]: Give it a rest. This interview is fucking over.

[Trond angrily flips the desk over in the Human Resources Cock Mongrel’s face and storms out without saying another word.]

 

Duration of Interview: 1 minute, 20 seconds.
Outcome: Not hired, but dignity still intact.