And by the way, a nice drop with the aged porter (see picture above nobber) and the giver of umlauts. Very Haandy indeed. Try saying bryggeriet with a few of those under your belt.
Skål Earslings.

A Viking age sword typically has an average blade length (not including the grip or hilt) of around 84cm and a six foot tall man has arms (not including his hands) of around 68cm. This means that with his hand over his shoulder and holding the grip, even if he was very flexible and wasn’t restricted by vambraces on his forearms etc; he could not pull the sword fully from the scabbard, as there would be a little over 6 inches still inside. This means he would have to either work it out by handling it out by the blade or lay down on the ground and use both hands to draw it out. These both look really stupid when getting ready to fight or gathering into a shield wall. I know some earsling is going to say that “the scabbard hinges from the shoulder and is not fixed at the tip”. To which I suggest that that earling don such a device and go for a brisk walk as the sword will then rythmically tap the back of your head and push your helmet over your eyes. If you run with it like this, it will knock savagely into your neck and head and the end of the scabbard works its way up the crack of your arse and puts you out of step. Oh, and by the way, don’t whatever you do sit down with it on like that or it will either castrate you, cut you a new arse or stick up the back of your helmet and strangle you with the strap. This does not look so cool and actually looks faintly ridiculous. Hmmm, maybe that’s why he has that stupid look on his face in the painting.

These are humorous things real vikings get the ‘new kids’ to do for a laugh. The real way to wear a sword is on a belt at the waist with the weight held over the shoulder by a baldrick. This tried and trusted method is the easiest way to carry a sword and draw it fast enough to cut their heads off.
Skål Earslings.

This you may think strange coming from a new age viking, that one such as myself would be aghast at loud and obnoxious behaviour by my compatriots. It seems to me that this is an interesting social phenomenom. How can my fellow shipmates storm ashore yelling and screaming invocations to norse gods, waving our bloodied axes, swords and spears (not forgetting little Sven in his bear suit foaming at the mouth doing a beserker) and yet be embarrassed, offended and ashamed of these strangers haggling for souvenirs or pulling faces because they don’t like the local delicacies?

I don’t know why it is like this. Certainly these people are not usually the sort of people that one would associate with even in your own country. But it is also true that many compatriots band together while visiting foreign lands because of a sense of shared experiences or national identity. We just know that it is the fates. Possibly a proverb from the land of the rising sun may shed some light on this phenomenom: “While you are away, you have no neighbours”.

What can we do about this type of behaviour? Short of clenching your axe and cleaving them through the skull or drawing your type XVII Oakshot sword and cutting their heads off, choices are limited. Certainly axes and swords can generally be difficult to get through Customs while travelling abroad. So taking a lead from the “Midsummer Wishfull Slaughter” and the normal viking response of cutting their heads off, I would like to suggest the following: As soon as you land in foreign lands, go to the nearest chinese ‘cheapjack’ store (These stores are ubiquitous throughout the world and easily located), stock up on plastic horned helmets, axes and swords, and when the need arises, don yon helm and draw your weapons and smite those who would assail our auditory sensibilities. Certainly a few chosen nordic war cries and invocations are helpful to contribute to the terror. They also help to cover your identity for a quick getaway. Unless you’re nordic of course.
p.s. Don’t forget to take the hat off.
Skål Earslings.