Standardized tests are antithetical to Vikings in every way possible. Vikings didn’t need to lock themselves in a room and scribble down dots or click on computerized answers to multiple choice questions before they were allowed to go and wreak the fuck out of wherever they felt like sailing to. No, they just went and did it; they wouldn’t have been Vikings if they hadn’t. There was no need nor tolerance for some higher, elitist entity to give them divine permission to do what they knew in their hearts was the right thing for them to do. …Hail Onwards »
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Hail and welcome to Scandinavian Aggression! This site is mainly about the modern Vikings' clashes with 21st century societal norms and my feeble attempts to chronicle them, but also contains other drivel such as: •Accounts of modern Viking anger management issues •Short sagas published elsewhere on the web •Viking self help reference materials •A Viking booze directory •Viking history lessons for Bostonians |
There's more useless stuff beyond that listed above, too. Explore using the menu to the right, or go ahead and click your browser's back button now. Whatever. In any event, thanks for bothering to visit. I skål to your health,
—Rowdy Geirsson
Standardized Tests Should be Blood Eagled
July 6th, 2011Victorious March!
June 16th, 2011
I’m not sure whether this painting is saying, “We are coming to destroy everything in our path!” or “We have just destroyed everything in our path!”, but either way, if this isn’t a victorious march of some sort, then I don’t know what is. John Charles Dollman wasn’t dicking around when he painted these Vikings 100 years ago. He imbued them with noble glory, and that glory still lives on today, even though most people don’t even know it exists. There’s a lot to lament about in that statement, but rather than spiral downward into an eternal pit of despair, why don’t we take a look at another victorious march while we’re on that topic:
Or this one, which is what inspired me to post an entry relating to victorious marches today of all days anyway in the first place. It just goes to show, that in some cases, despair is not always eternal!
(I pilfered the photo from the Boston Globe’s honorable photo montage.)
A Short History of the Norse Invasion of Normandy for Bostonians
June 6th, 2011A Short History of the Norse Invasion of Normandy for Bostonians
A little history about Normandy on the anniversary of D-Day, Boston-style.
Glory in a Bottle
May 27th, 2011
The Norsky brewers up at HaandBryggeriet are clearly modern day recipients of Odin’s wisdom and have held a cherished spot on my Viking Barley Brew list ever since I first compiled it. But they wanted to outdo themselves and so they started to age some of their brew in aquavit barrels, and the result is this Barrel-Aged Porter, complete with Norse carving decor on the label. Midgård would be a better place if there were more people like these guys out there, so skål to them!
Then on a more somber and unrelated note, the online literary magazine Bananafish recently suicided itself. This saddens me because Bananafish was one of those few sites that actually acknowledged the importance of writing about drunken leprechauns being held hostage in Viking dungeons, which is not a topic that most literary venues value. (And also the guy who ran the site seemed like a nice fellow). So, anyway, since Bananafish is now down for the count, I’ve reposted the content of my story that had been published there, and it can be found on the Encounter with a Miscreant page.
Lastly, a few parting words for the fallen Bananafish, plundered verbatim from the mighty Ville Laihiala (formerly of Sentenced):
“The shadows growing deep
We’ll be gone eternally
Our stars have fallen from the sky
Our dreams have faded into the night
No tomorrow
Not for us
Death and sorrow
Dust to dust
Dust to dust.”
Fenrir was Bound on Asköy
April 23rd, 2011
Remember how Loki got really wild one night—even by his standards—with a giantess, who then ended up giving birth to a wolf and two other monsters? And how that wolf then grew and grew and grew till the gods finally feared him so much that they made the decision to shackle him down on an island far away? Well, I had not realized, but in the twentieth century, the sculptor Arne Vinje Gunnerud tried his own hand in the binding of Fenrir, on the island of Asköy near Bergen in Norway. And I’d say he succeeded quite well. He probably didn’t even lose an appendage in the process, and that is worthy of a mighty skål indeed.
The Saga of Biôrn
April 1st, 2011I discovered this video while browsing the web for matters of importance and came across it over at the Norse and Viking Ramblings blog. The video itself though is a student project made by members of the class of 2011 at The Animation Workshop in Denmark, and it’s about Biôrn’s quest to enter Valhalla. It is only 7 minutes long and you will both laugh and weep during the course of its glorious playback.
Hail to the graduating students at The Animation Workshop!
A Short History of the Fall of Gaelic-Norse Dublin and Subsequent Victory Over Rival York, for Bostonians
March 17th, 2011Here’s a new one in the McSweeney’s line of profanity-laden history lessons to help get you into that special green-beer drinking mood:
And just for kicks because it’s cool:
Viking Classic Rock Parody
February 27th, 2011This one was brought to my attention by the good mead-brewing Stenhugger from Illinois. Apparently part of a television series in the UK called Horrible Histories, it’s called Literally: The Viking Song and is an amusing take on the Viking raids on England delivered in the form of music video.
Valentine’s Day Romance: Epic Norse Slaughter
February 14th, 2011
No, not that kind of romance. There are no hearts to be found here, unless you count the kind that have been brutally carved out of the chest cavity in the midst of unstoppable berserker rage. That’s right, we’re talking about the national romanticism kind of romance that was popular back in the late 1800s and the early 1900s.
One Norwegian guy, Gerhard Munthe, was pretty into Norse history back in those days and he glorified the epic naval Battle of Hjørungavåg in this mighty tapestry, now housed at Norway’s National Museum of Decorative Arts. Thousands of Norwegians and Jomsvikings were slaughtered and the sea off the coast of Sunnmøre turned red with their blood. It doesn’t get much more romantic than that.
A Short History of the Norse Siege of Paris for Bostonians
January 26th, 2011Check out A Short History of the Norse Siege of Paris for Bostonians to learn more about Sigfred’s insane, highly aggressive, and not so glorious voyage up the Seine River.
Also of potential interest to New Englanders: Boston’s Monuments to Viking Glory
Happy Up Helly Aa!
January 25th, 2011
On the last Tuesday of every January, the honorable jarls up in Shetland celebrate the end of the yule season by setting everything on fire. It’s called Up Helly Aa and not only is it a glorious homage to Viking glory, but it’s also the biggest fire festival in Europe.
Unfortunately, I’m not cool enough to have actually been to Up Helly Aa myself, so I pilfered this photo from Millgaet Media instead. I think it’s an awesome photo and I’m jealous of whoever took it.
Viking Tower in Newport, Rhode Island
January 7th, 2011
New update to the Boston-area Viking Monument page. This one just happens to be an old stone tower. Back in the day folks thought Vikings erected it. Vikings definitely erected a very many things, especially when they got a little too excited with the pillaging and there happened to be some fine ladies around, but this, alas, was not among them. But still, it’s cool, or at least somewhat interesting, I think. Check out the placard that discusses its Norse history below. …Hail Onwards »
The Realistic Old Norse Art of Howard David Johnson
December 18th, 2010Here’s a badass image of Beowulf standing in front of Heorot, fantasizing about all the various ways in which he might brutally slay Grendel:
This little bit of artistic glory comes courtesy of Howard David Johnson, a contemporary artist specializing in mixed media who often chooses historical epics and myths as his themes of choice. In fact, his website features a whole page devoted exclusively to his work based on Norse mythology, and you should probably go visit it if you enjoy that sort of thing. Some of the pieces may not be as compelling as others, but there are enough cool ones to make it a fun place to browse. Here’s another that I like a lot, called Kreimhilde’s Revenge, based on the Volsunga Saga/Nibelungenlied:
Barley Wine Fit for Valhalla
October 29th, 2010 Thereupon stood the enemy host. It was a fine day with blue sky overhead. Then the two forces joined in battle and fought fiercely, nor was there need to goad them on. Much shouting followed, and a furious blowing of trumpets. |
As dawn approached, Andhrimnir Barley Wine Ale said: “It seems to me this battle did not go my way.” And then slumped down and died from its wounds. Andhrimnir Barley Wine Ale is now out of this story. |
So this brave warrior was crafted by Nøgne Ø, a brewery in Norway. Their site does not have any information about this particular brew, but check out some of their others. They pack a mean punch. Oh, and the name of the brew refers to Valhalla’s chef for anyone who might be wondering, so I suspect Andhrimnir Barley Wine Ale probably goes really well with resurrected roast boar.
