Posts Tagged ‘Boston/New England’

Chiseling the Scandinavian Cheekbones

Tuesday, June 11th, 2013

So I just gave this website a major facelift, and by that I mean that there is now a very aggressive-looking, native Blue Sheep from Birka hanging out in the background off towards the right (and slightly towards the left as well, but that guy is fainter). If you look closely, you will be able to admire the finely chiseled cheekbones of the individual to the right, which is a trait he shares with the lovely Scandinavian women. You may also be able to see the killer intent in his eyes. I figure he is probably pretty good buddies with the even more hardcore Icelandic Killer Sheep:

 photo Icelandic_Killer_Sheep_zpsc3993d02.jpg

In fact, this guy is so intent on being aggressive that he goes around looking like he should probably stop trying already and just transform himself into a Norwegian black metal band instead. You used to be able to get his mugshot on t-shirts like the one pictured above, but that website seems to have been plucked away by some misguided valkyrie, though the corresponding myspace page still exists.

On a side note, I’m going to make a better effort at updating this damned blog on a regular basis again (as opposed to 1 post every 6 months). I finally got myself dislodged from the bigass boulder that I was living under since last fall and it is good to see the world again. Some sad things happened in that time (Stockholm burned, Boston bombed to name just 2) but some good, exciting things are indeed afoot: Amon Amarth is releasing a new album this month, the days are long, and the Bruins are in the finals. So, skål to summer!

Raise a Horn to the New Year’s Winter Darkness

Tuesday, January 1st, 2013

So I’m not very big on timely, punctual, or even consistent blog updates, but I am big on depictions of majestic northern landscapes, especially if they feature Viking ships plowing the waters under what I presume to be the aurora borealis. Or maybe it’s meant to be the midnight sun, I’m not really sure, and that’s besides the point. The point is: here’s a badass Nicholas Roerich painting for you to look at and help you get psyched for the coming long haul of bleak winter cold and darkness now that the holiday festivities are over:

And just to clarify who this Nicholas Roerich fellow was, those of you who are more versed in 100-year old Viking-inspired artwork might recognize this one:

That’s right, that one shows a bunch of Varangians sailing down from Sweden or perhaps one of their colonies at Staraya Ladoga or Novgorod on their way to really fuck shit up for the Slavs and maybe just do a little something like establish the entire fucking country of Russia as we now know it. Anyway, from what I can tell, this Roerich guy was a bit of a Russian nutjob but was well known for his paintings, along with other philosophical-type works, and was referenced in the writings of H.P. Lovecraft, which is a fact that ought to appeal to anyone with a dark imagination (especially for anyone living in the New England area). And while we’re on the topic of dark imaginations and darkness and winter, it seems only appropriate to also promote this little, old-time ditty:

A Brief Overview of the Lifestyle Altering Technological Accomplishments of the Original Norse Bluetooth for Bostonians

Tuesday, September 11th, 2012

The true origins of Bluetooth wireless technology are Norse, and what better way to learn about them than being sworn at by a foul-mouthed fucker from Southie.

A Brief Overview of the Lifestyle Altering Technological Accomplishments of the Original Norse Bluetooth for Bostonians

Saint Patrick Visits Ossian and Listens to a Poem About Deteriorating Irish-Norse Relations, Retold for Bostonians

Saturday, March 17th, 2012

Saint Patrick Visits Ossian and Listens to a Poem About Deteriorating Irish-Norse Relations, Retold for Bostonians

Saint Patrick gets shitfaced and listens to some heavy Irish poetry about Vikings.

An Informal Conversation about Ancient Norse Poetry at a Bar in Boston

Wednesday, February 1st, 2012

An Informal Conversation about Ancient Norse Poetry at a Bar in Boston

Egil Skallagrimsson and drinking in Boston.

A Brief Introduction to Norse Economic Policy for Bostonians

Friday, December 16th, 2011

A Brief Introduction to Norse Economic Policy for Bostonians

This is how Vikings handle economic recessions.

A Short History of the Norse Conquest of England for Bostonians, Part 2

Monday, November 28th, 2011

A Short History of the Norse Conquest of England for Bostonians, Part 2

In which Svein Forkbeard utterly dominates Ethelred the Unready.

A Short History of the Norse Conquest of England for Bostonians, Part 1

Monday, November 21st, 2011

A Short History of the Norse Conquest of England for Bostonians, Part 1

In which the Danes and English succeed very well in not getting along with one another whatsoever.

Victorious March!

Thursday, June 16th, 2011

I’m not sure whether this painting is saying, “We are coming to destroy everything in our path!” or “We have just destroyed everything in our path!”, but either way, if this isn’t a victorious march of some sort, then I don’t know what is. John Charles Dollman wasn’t dicking around when he painted these Vikings 100 years ago. He imbued them with noble glory, and that glory still lives on today, even though most people don’t even know it exists. There’s a lot to lament about in that statement, but rather than spiral downward into an eternal pit of despair, why don’t we take a look at another victorious march while we’re on that topic:

Or this one, which is what inspired me to post an entry relating to victorious marches today of all days anyway in the first place. It just goes to show, that in some cases, despair is not always eternal!

(I pilfered the photo from the Boston Globe’s honorable photo montage.)

A Short History of the Norse Invasion of Normandy for Bostonians

Monday, June 6th, 2011

A Short History of the Norse Invasion of Normandy for Bostonians

A little history about Normandy on the anniversary of D-Day, Boston-style.

A Short History of the Fall of Gaelic-Norse Dublin and Subsequent Victory Over Rival York, for Bostonians

Thursday, March 17th, 2011

Here’s a new one in the McSweeney’s line of profanity-laden history lessons to help get you into that special green-beer drinking mood:

A Short History of the Fall of Gaelic-Norse Dublin and Subsequent Victory Over Rival York, for Bostonians

And just for kicks because it’s cool:

A Short History of the Norse Siege of Paris for Bostonians

Wednesday, January 26th, 2011

Check out A Short History of the Norse Siege of Paris for Bostonians to learn more about Sigfred’s insane, highly aggressive, and not so glorious voyage up the Seine River.

Also of potential interest to New Englanders: Boston’s Monuments to Viking Glory

Viking Tower in Newport, Rhode Island

Friday, January 7th, 2011

New update to the Boston-area Viking Monument page. This one just happens to be an old stone tower. Back in the day folks thought Vikings erected it. Vikings definitely erected a very many things, especially when they got a little too excited with the pillaging and there happened to be some fine ladies around, but this, alas, was not among them. But still, it’s cool, or at least somewhat interesting, I think. Check out the placard that discusses its Norse history below. …Hail onwards »

A Short History of Leif Eriksson’s Discovery of North America for Bostonians

Friday, October 8th, 2010

Tomorrow, October 9th, is Vinland’s official Leif Eriksson Day, but it’s never too early to start celebrating. That means beer and mead. And possibly tomfoolery involving medieval weaponry.

A Short History of Leif Eriksson’s Discovery of North America for Bostonians

A Short History of the Inaugural Norse Assault on Paris for Bostonians

Tuesday, August 3rd, 2010

Learn about Ragnar Hairy Breeches’ exciting and slaughterful voyage up the Seine:

A Short History of the Inaugural Norse Assault on Paris for Bostonians