This is how Vikings handle economic recessions.
Posts Tagged ‘job frustration’
The Final Installment
After much procrastination and deliberation, here at long last is the highly unanticipated final installment of the Modern Viking Job Interviews. I’m an honest guy so I can admit that this is pretty much a total non-event. In fact, it’s that same honesty that’s helped make me such a perpetual failure in the working world, since an overwhelming number of employers apparently don’t value honesty. Instead, they prefer dishonesty disguised as enthusiasm …Hail onwards »
If I’ve gotten my chronology correct, it was The Orlando Sentinel that made such a splash last week with its report that employers are intentionally filtering unemployed applicants out of their potential hiring pools (the story having since been picked up by The Huffington Post and others). Sure, this sucks, but where’s the big surprise? Is this really that new? That’s what I don’t understand. Why are so many people (at least among those receiving mention online) so surprised? If that soulless entity known as Human Resources ever ceased to be shortsighted, it would also cease to be recognizable as Human Resources. Shortsightedness is one of the defining characteristics of Human Resources. (The others, so far as I can tell, are power-mongering, cronyism, discourteousness, and general imbecility) …Hail onwards »
Guys are naturally way more predisposed than girls are to losing a grip on life so badly that the only seemingly logical solution is to skip town in a boat and go a-Viking. Or maybe I’m mistaken and it just seems that way to me because my whole life has always been an unglamorous sausagefest. I’ll probably never know for sure one way or the other, but that is besides the point, because the point is that Ingrid Törnblom is the only female Viking hero unlucky enough to hypothetically be searching for a new job …Hail onwards »
I don’t talk about him much, but Jocke Björler is a pretty cool guy. He’s so laid back that it’s easy to forget that his contributions to the Modern Viking Movement culminated with the first and only absurdly gory death of a troll to occur in the last thousand years …Hail onwards »
Trond “Troll-Breath” Trondsen is the most Viking of the modern Vikings. He has absolutely no patience for bullshit, which is a disastrous attribute when it comes to job interviewing situations.
Human Resources Cock Mongrel: Hi Trond, nice to meet you. Come right on in and take a seat.
Trond “Troll-Breath” Trondsen: Thanks, nice to meet you, too.
HRCM: Have any trouble finding the place?
TTT: No, not really.
HRCM: That’s good, that’s good. So, Trond, why don’t we get right down to business. Why do you want to work here?
[Trond chortles and rolls his eyes.]
HRCM: Is something funny?
TTT: I was just laughing at your joke was all. It was pretty good.
HRCM: I’m afraid it wasn’t a joke, Trond. I’d like you to answer that question.
TTT: You’re serious?
HRCM: Yes, I am. Please tell me why you wish to work here.
TTT: Well, why the fuck do you think? Because I need a mother-fucking paycheck. Nobody just applies for a job because they think it will be fun. Get real. And here I thought you were just being funny.
HRCM: Uh…I beg your pardon?
TTT: You heard right. This is all bullshit. I’ll prove I can do the job if you want to talk about that, but don’t waste my time dicking around with pointless bullshit questions. They’re not constructive for you and they’re sure as hell not constructive for me.
HRCM: Well, I’m not sure what to tell you, Trond.
TTT: You don’t have to tell me anything. We both know you’re just asking them because it’s what’s expected of you. They’re not relevant at all. You probably haven’t had an independent thought in years. You’re wasting my time.
HRCM: Actually, I’ve only asked one question so far, but seeing how you feel, I must say I’m going to have a very difficult time recommending you as a good fit for our organization. I suggest—
TTT [standing up]: Give it a rest. This interview is fucking over.
[Trond angrily flips the desk over in the Human Resources Cock Mongrel’s face and storms out without saying another word.]
Duration of Interview: 1 minute, 20 seconds.
Outcome: Not hired, but dignity still intact.
A few days ago I woke up with a dead mouse lying beside me on my bed. It was a stellar moment, one that will certainly rank among my personal best for 2008. It’s not every day that you wake up, turn over, and see a deceased rodent with a painful “the end is near” grimace frozen on its lifeless face …Hail onwards »
As recent events committed by certain, highly esteemed members of Scandinavian society have shown, urination can be a great form of revenge. By urinating on somebody and/or his or her possessions, you are effectively saying:
“Hey you! Get the fuck over here you fucking asshole! I fucking hate you and everything about you. I wish to choke your hopes and dreams on my smelly urine …Hail onwards »
An exceedingly menial existence has been conferred upon us. We live in a world where integrity is regularly sacrificed for cronyism or a quick buck. Honor and loyalty are dead but deceit and disgrace are burgeoning like never before …Hail onwards »
So, I’ve been thinking a lot about death lately, which I suppose is only natural since I have a job. Thoughts such as, “Dying might actually be better than doing this bullshit” and “If I were dead I wouldn’t have to be here right now” have become rather commonplace. This type of thinking inevitably gives way to a tantalizing variety of at-work-death-scenario fantasies …Hail onwards »
There are many things that I hate. To name a few: work, my cubicle at work, working in my cubicle at work, not working while in my cubicle at work, pretending to look like I’m working in my cubicle at work when I’m actually screwing around on the internet. The list goes on and on, but one of the absolutely most hated things of all …Hail onwards »