Posts Tagged ‘medieval weaponry’

Birch-Shoe-Wearing-Guys, Save the King!

Saturday, November 12th, 2016


So this one’s deviating a little from the strictly Norse theme, but how can you not like a painting like this? Even if they’re aren’t technically Vikings, these guys are still hardcore. They’re skiing across Norway in medieval times in the dead of winter to save the baby infant king, being followed by assassins who just killed the little guy’s dad in a diabolical plot to steal the throne. Plus it’s just a cool looking painting.

This one was done by good ole Knud Bergslien, who painted many, many portraits of well-to-do Norwegians back in the 1800s, as well as a few landscapes and scenes from the country’s past, such as the one of the birkebeiner above (the birkebeiner were a group vying for political control of Norway and take their name from an insult in the day–that they were so poor they could only afford to make their shoes out of birch, and if that isn’t degrading, then I don’t know what is.)

The mad dash across the country on skis is one of Norway’s special historical moments and has been commemorated over the years, not just in the painting by Bergslien, but in a recent, full-length Norwegian film named “Birkebeinerne.” There are also races every year honoring the event in Norway and in Wisconsin (since they got lots ‘o Norskies up there too). The film is currently available on Netflix, under the title “The Last King” (since a movie with an accurately translated title like “The Birch-Legs” or “The Birch-Shoe-Wearing-Guys” apparently isn’t sexy enough for English-speaking audiences):

And, last but not least, here’s one of Bergslien’s majestic landscape paintings to end on an scenic note:

On the Origins of Petalwilter

Sunday, November 21st, 2010

I decided today that the time has finally come to discuss Trond Trondsen’s sword, the illustrious Petalwilter. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned Petalwilter by name before on this site, so its mere mention must be pretty exciting for the 2 or 3 of you who somehow randomly found your way here and are wondering, ”Why the fuck haven’t I clicked my browser’s back button yet?” …Hail onwards »

Slaughter the Parents, part 3

Tuesday, December 8th, 2009

I was standing in line at the post office watching the stupid little kid molest the automatic stamp-dispensing machine. The child-molester was having a grand ole time, fondling the poor machine’s buttons, probing its slots, and slapping its knobs like a domineering sadist, but the machine didn’t like it and beeped several times to indicate its displeasure at this sort of physical harassment. That’s when the child-molester’s father finally intervened, “Whoa there, champ, molest that machine gently.” …Hail onwards »

Slaughter the Parents, part 1

Thursday, September 10th, 2009

The children run and scream and throw things and cry and get in the way and their parents just let them. Usually, no one ever confronts these animals, and as an introverted social moron, I am no exception. But Trond Troll-Breath is, since he’s an amazing Norwegian Viking.

…Hail onwards »

Viking Swords Discovered in Worcester, Mass!

Sunday, June 7th, 2009

At the Higgins Armory Museum, förstås! (That’s Swedish for “of course.”) The Higgins is said to be “the only museum in the Western Hemisphere solely dedicated to the collection of arms, armor and art.” …Hail onwards »