Posts Tagged ‘pointlessness’

Boston’s Vinland / T-Shirt Shenanigans

Thursday, March 17th, 2016


Once upon a time the great Norse explorer, Leif Eriksson, plundered his way up the Charles River to swanky Weston, Massachusetts where he then proceeded to disembark from his fierce dragon-prowed longship and initiate the first European colonization of North America. Only it wasn’t that great since the effort failed after a few short years and the native skraelings chased all the Norse men and women back to the icy wastes of Greenland. And also, it happened in Newfoundland, not Massachusetts. But that didn’t stop a bunch of stuffy old guys from proclaiming otherwise back in the late 1800s.

One of the main culprits who promulgated this phenomenon was Eben Norton Horsford, a chemist to whom I devoted a Heroes of Norse Proliferation posting during the not-so-glorious autumn of ‘014. The graphic icon above and the images below are all depictions of the tower and its associated plaques that he had erected in 1889 on the spot along the Weston/Waltham border where he thought Leif Eriksson had done the whole Vinland thing, only Horsford was also convinced that the settlement was known as Norumbega, a long-forgotten fabled city known to early European explorers. Horsford thought Norumbega was a corruption of Norway/North-Way/Norvega.

Many other wild and crazy Boston brahmins got on the Norse bandwagon during this era since it was considered anti-Irish to do so and therefore high-fashion since they were basically a bunch of dirty rat bastards, but thanks to them we now also have Leif Eriksson hanging out on Commonwealth Avenue, Viking ships on the Longfellow Bridge, and a highly degraded rune stone next to Mt. Auburn Hospital. Check out my Boston’s Monuments to Greatness page for more on these as well as links to actual historical websites where you can learn more (the Needham Historical Society’s article is particularly good).

This faded runic carving reads: “This tower was erected by Eben Norton Horsford A.D. 1889”


Click here for a legible transcription of this plaque

For those of you who live nearby and might be interested in checking out the notorious Norumbega Tower in person, I have compiled the following aerial maps to help show you where it is (also, google maps recognizes “Norumbega Tower, Norumbega Road, Weston, MA 02493” to help you find your way).

Lastly, check out the new webshop for Scandinavian Aggression T-shirts, including one featuring the Norumbega graphic at the top of this posting. The back of the shirt looks something like this:

A Good Day to Hail Leif

Wednesday, October 9th, 2013

Today is the official Leif Erikson Day of 2013, and what appropriate and ironic timing!

Leif’s Icelandic ancestors all bailed from Norway when they finally got too disgusted with their slimy politicians to bother sticking around. Lucky for them, they were able to find a nice (if harsh), uninhabited island out in the middle of the North Atlantic to claim as their own, and their descendents kept the tradition of exploring alive, culminating with Leif’s badass voyage to America. That’s a far cry from our current tactics of belly moaning and ineffective protesting. Too bad we don’t live in an era where we can just get our buddies together, get in a boat, and go find a new place to conquer and settle without getting fire-bombed in retaliation. Oh well.

The photo above is a statue devoted to Leif’s glory located in Reykjavik, Iceland. Check out my Monuments to Greatness page to learn more about Boston’s own glorious Leif statue. And best of luck staying sane in this sea of madness.

Vikings Didn’t Seek Self-Validation through Social Media

Tuesday, November 10th, 2009

Check out this ridiculous bullshit:

    Almveig Egilsdottir is milking the cows. Again.
    Thor’s Day at 0615

    Knut Bjørnsson is wondering why he bothered signing up for the
    plundringtåg in Frisia in the first place.
    Odin’s Day at 2258
            Inga Eriksdottir Oh no! Is everything ok? Miss you…:-/
            Odin’s Day at 2321
            Hrafn Bleary-eyes Dude, that sucks…come home wealthy.
            Odin’s Day at 2358

    Olafr the Sly just won two goats in a duel!
    Odin’s Day at 2033
            4 Norse people like this. …Hail onwards »

Bastards of a Lying Breed; or I Don’t Know Why Human Resources Says Goodbye, I Say Hello

Wednesday, July 8th, 2009

“Think of what you’re saying,
You can get it wrong and still you think that it’s all right.
Think of what I’m saying,
We can work it out and get it straight, or say good night.

We can work it out.
We can work it out.

Life is very short, and there’s no time
For fussing and fighting, my friend.
I have always thought that’s it’s a crime,
So I will ask you once again.”*

Good relationship advice for any emotionally insecure individual who prefers detrimentally running away from his/her problems rather than cooperating productively …Hail onwards »

Lessons for Norse Youth Forgotten

Wednesday, June 17th, 2009

I’ve been wondering lately if the Norsemen raised their impressionable young children with such dogmatic life-lessons as these:

“You can be whatever you want to be when you grow up as long as you put your mind to it.” …Hail onwards »

Bail Out of the Norse Persuasion

Wednesday, October 15th, 2008

When a Viking ship was in danger of sinking, bailing out was probably one of the more obvious and reasonable courses of action for the crew to employ. It’s easy to imagine a crew of egalitarian, medieval Scandinavians reacting almost instantaneously to the situation by working seamlessly together …Hail onwards »

Forsaken by the Norns

Wednesday, February 20th, 2008

An exceedingly menial existence has been conferred upon us. We live in a world where integrity is regularly sacrificed for cronyism or a quick buck. Honor and loyalty are dead but deceit and disgrace are burgeoning like never before …Hail onwards »

Pure Nordic Hatred, part 1

Sunday, May 6th, 2007

There are many things that I hate. To name a few: work, my cubicle at work, working in my cubicle at work, not working while in my cubicle at work, pretending to look like I’m working in my cubicle at work when I’m actually screwing around on the internet. The list goes on and on, but one of the absolutely most hated things of all …Hail onwards »