| The Modern Viking Job Interviews, #3: Jocke Björler I don't talk about him much, but Jocke Björler is a pretty cool guy. He's so laid back that it's easy to forget that his contributions to the Modern Viking Movement culminated with the first and only absurdly gory death of a troll to occur in a thousand years. It is a tragic turn of events that he must now confront an even more hideous menace to society, a human resources cock mongrel. Human Resources Cock Mongrel: Ah, so you must be Jocke. Please, take a seat. Jocke Björler: Sure, thank you. HRCM: Glad you could come in today. We looked over your application and since we liked what we saw, we figured it'd make sense to call you in and have a chance to talk to you some in person. JB: Makes sense. In fact, I thought that might be the case when I talked to you on the phone to schedule this interview. HRCM: And right you were! I'm always glad to see someone who has a light on upstairs. [chuckles lightheartedly] JB: Uh...me too. HRCM: Alright then, Jocke. Why don't you tell me what makes you want to work here? JB: My sambo.* [pause] HRCM: Your sambo? JB: Yes, my sambo. HRCM: Your sambo is what makes you want to work here? JB: Yeah, she's tired of me sitting around the house all the time. She thinks I should get a job. HRCM: Well, I've got to tell you, Jocke, I was expecting somewhat of a different answer. JB: I know. [pause] HRCM: You knew that I was expecting a different answer? JB: Well, yes. You must not be used to hearing honest answers in your line of work, but I won't hold that against you. [pause] HRCM: Actually, what I'm used to are people who take their careers seriously enough to have actually bothered to prepare for their interview beforehand, which you clearly haven't if that's your attitude. JB [laughs]: Well, except for habitual liars, it's harder to come up with a convincing lie on the spot than it is to tell the truth. HRCM [raising voice in an unhappy way]: So, let me get this straight. If you knew I wouldn't like your "honest" answers, as you call them, then why did you even bother coming in here today? JB: Mainly because my sambo would have thrown a fit if I hadn't. I don't like fighting with her. HRCM: So you're just wasting my time then? JB: I guess that all depends on what else would you be doing right now... HRCM: I have important work to do, you know. JB: Highly doubtful, you work in human resources. HRCM: Get out! JB: Okay. Duration of Interview: 1 minute, 35 seconds. Outcome: Not hired, but dignity still intact. *Sambo is the Swedish word for an unmarried, cohabitational partner. |