Sagas of Pathetic and Banal Exploration

This is where I compile links to my chronicles of investigative journalism research into the lives of the Modern Vikings that have been published at various outposts around the world wide web. So, if you’re looking to know more about the Norwegian whalers who turned merciless giftshop pillagers or Sweden’s last great plagiarizing skald with a drinking problem, please venture forth:

Drinking with the Draugr
Grab a pint with the rotting corpse of an undead Spear-Dane.

Rekindling the Varangian Flame, Part 1
Rekindling the Varangian Flame, Part 2
Experience the good vibes of the suicidal Viking metal band, Varjagikaarti, and its members’ voyage deep into the land of the Rus.

Dream Hard On
Join drunken Swedish warrior-poet, Björn Svensson, as he struts around a rocky cove naked, bellowing fierce obscenities at the waves, and talking about Odin’s willy.

Self-Condemned in the Tunnelbana
Feel intimidated by Ingrid Törnblom as she discusses the history of her fierce Viking sisterhood that excelled so well in combat that it drew inevitable comparisons to the Spartans of ancient Greece, the samurai of feudal Japan, and the Jedi Knights of the Intergalactic Republic.

Fear and Loathing in Western Sweden
Learn about Björn Svensson’s hostile aggressions against the Little Mermaid statue in Copenhagen while he’s passed out on the deck of his fishing trawler.

Welcome to the Mead Hall
Join Trond “Troll-Breath” Trondsen, the Norwegian whaler who sacked Lindisfarne’s gift shop, for a feast in his mead hall. Originally published online at Word Riot, before it went down its own Hel-road.

In addition to the Neo-Norse chronicles above, I also write short, deeply philosophical pieces that examine such timeless subjects as the water quality of the beasts’ aquatic abyss and the importance of discussing medieval conflict resolution strategies while on a first date, among other pertinent items of inquiry:

For low quality metal fiction, visit:
Misadventures in Heavy Metalling (at Metal Sucks)

For tales of stupidity and failure, visit:
Points in Case

For more tales of stupidity and failure, visit:
Slackjaw (at Medium)

Finally, here are two nightmarish humor tales published at McSweeney’s before it morphed into a predominately political/parenting website:

I Bring the Soul-Defiling Spirit of True Norwegian Black Metal to Our Corporate Office Environment

Introducing: macOS HellScape

I also write McSweeney’s long-running and incredibly unpopular column, Norse History for Bostonians.

Image mash-up at top of page by myself but based on free-to-use imagery by kalhh and Nextvoyage

Heraldry