Posts Tagged ‘Ingrid Törnblom’

Self-Condemned in the Tunnelbana

Thursday, April 2nd, 2015

It’s been a long time coming, but for one small moment of glory (and one day too late to be an April fool’s joke) I have failed at failing: the good folks at Jersey Devil Press have decided not to reject one of my pieces of investigative journalism. They have actually decided not to reject me in the past as well and for this I am grateful and should probably take it as a sign to be more productive rather than lamenting my successes at failing and then giving up at that and deciding to look for a beer instead.

Anyway, this counter-failing deals with the notorious and notoriously attractive Ingrid Törnblom, her exploits in Baltic raiding and slave-taking, her general disregard for me, and my general inability to behave like a normal human being while in her presence. Click the link below to learn more!

Self-Condemned in the Tunnelbana

And while we’re at it, why not check out the earlier pieces of investigative journalism? They’re highly educational and completely factual, especially the part about the hostile leprechaun taking my luggage in the vast mead hall.

Fear and Loathing in Western Sweden

Welcome to the Mead Hall

And on a final note, here is a video that I think really captures the ideals and accomplishments of Ingrid, even if the non-vocalists are a bunch of dudes.

Slaughter the Parents, part 2

Wednesday, October 7th, 2009

The hideous beast of a woman splayed the infants’ legs apart and scraped away at the mushy mess of fresh feces while the sick smell radiated outward, gagging those unfortunate enough to be …Hail onwards »

The Modern Viking Job Interviews, #4: Ingrid Törnblom

Thursday, May 14th, 2009

Guys are naturally way more predisposed than girls are to losing a grip on life so badly that the only seemingly logical solution is to skip town in a boat and go a-Viking. Or maybe I’m mistaken and it just seems that way to me because my whole life has always been an unglamorous sausagefest. I’ll probably never know for sure one way or the other, but that is besides the point, because the point is that Ingrid Törnblom is the only female Viking hero unlucky enough to hypothetically be searching for a new job …Hail onwards »

Viking Grab Ass

Tuesday, August 12th, 2008

Back when I was still in school, my chemistry teacher used to tell us to stop playing so much grab ass. I was usually asleep during these alleged bouts of grab ass, so I’m not totally sure how out of control the grab ass actually got, but we were told to stop it very, very often. You see, lots of times the gnarly, old chemistry teacher would go into the backroom so that he could write chemical equations in peace and quiet …Hail onwards »

Vehicular Viking Slaughter

Thursday, July 17th, 2008

It has recently been of considerable debate as to whether a Viking, if removed from his proper historical context and placed in our current era, would commit berserkergång with a vehicle. This thought has been implanted and nurtured by no less than the very same reasons that would potentially compel the hypothetical Viking to succumb to vehicular battle-rage …Hail onwards »

To Fika or not to Fika

Friday, August 10th, 2007

I sit in a cafe as I write this and I can’t help but think to myself, “Why won’t these stupid assholes sitting all around me talking on their cell phones lower their goddam voices? For sanity’s sake, I don’t want to hear about the pros and cons of ‘getting your eyebrows done’ or how stressful it is to be involved with ‘like, some type of business type thing.'” If I were a Viking I’d do humanity a favor and cut these people down …Hail onwards »

Getting to Know Ingrid Törnblom

Thursday, June 7th, 2007

Usually when I think of the great Ingrid Törnblom, I start feeling randy. It’s easy to do because she is extremely fucking hot, but sometimes too much emphasis is placed on her incredibly fine body and alluring facial features. Because, besides being super fine, Ingrid Törnblom is also responsible for founding the Modern Viking Movement’s most illustrious war band …Hail onwards »