Here’s a compilation of links to the sites where my atrocities of the written word have materialized among the mystical netherspaces of the world wound web. For shits and giggles and all that fun stuff.
I’ve written McSweeney’s longest-running and least popular column, Norse History for Bostonians, since 2010. The column spawned a book called Norse Mythology for Bostonians in 2020, which similarly reigns in unpopularity. Matt Smith has been providing illustrations for the column since 2017.
I also wrote two articles for McSweeney’s in 2017 that actually had nothing to do with vikings or Mark Wahlberg caricatures before the site completed its full metamorphosis into a political satire / parenting humor website:
- I Bring the Soul-Defiling Spirit of True Norwegian Black Metal to Our Corporate Office Environment
- Introducing: MacOS Hellscape
Many tales of stupidity and failure, and other ridiculous tales that have to do with thunder god temper-tantrums and yuletide lusting after scorn-poles, for good measure. Highlights of these atrocities include:
- When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemon-Ale with Thor
- Similarities Between the One Ring and a Typical Smartphone
- I Have a Passion for Ecologically Restoring the Habitat of the Beast
- HGTV Announces “The Joyce Byers Complete Home Makeover Show”
- What’s On Tap at the Bitter Break-Up Brewery
- All I Want for Christmas is a Norse Pagan Scorn-Pole
- Introducing Jack Daniel’s Hotspots
- …and many more!
Another eclectic mix of Norse and non-Norse atrocities. The title link above also lists my non-Slackjaw writings that have appeared elsewhere on medium.com, such as those at The Haven and The Writing Cooperative. Highlights include:
- Welcome to Odin’s Sacrifice Resort and Casino!
- I’m Getting Really into My New Hobby of Bjära-Conjuring
- First Date Icebreakers for Northern European Medieval Enthusiasts, Parts 1, 2, and 3
- A Critical Analysis of Some of AC/DC’s Most Culturally Significant Literary Works
- A Critical Analysis of Some of The Eagles’ Most Culturally Significant Literary Works Parts 1 and 2
- It’s the People That Make Working Here Such a Nightmare
- …and many more!
All the atmospheric riffs and indecipherable vocals of a 1980’s Elizabeth Shue movie. Highlights include such atrocities as:
- Beavis and Butt-Head Starring Odin and Thor (an ongoing series; art kindly by Matt Smith)
- How to Hit on Strangers with the Help of Wardruna
- Band Name Suggestions for Horticulturalists
- Dating Advice and Relationship Therapy with Arch Enemy
- If Places in Massachusetts Were Metal Bands…
- Summer Fun Time with Katatonia
- Grievances at the Office with Amon Amarth
- …and many more (but no longer ongoing)!
I’ve also contributed atrocities to the following esteemed publications as well:
- My New Year’s Resolution is to Finally Start Wearing Icelandic Necropants
- My New Year’s Resolution is to Continue Wearing These Icelandic Necropants
- I Followed My Passion to This Filthy Puddle Behind a Dumpster
- …and more!
- Why Are There 10,000 Layers in This File?
- Lynch Mob – Reviews of Scandinavian Booze: Thisted Bryghus’ Limfjordsporter
- Lynch Mob – Reveiws of Scandinavian Booze: Amazing Gotland Campfire Beer
- …and more!
…and no more!
Queen Mob’s Teahouse